S) "3 Then her husband arose and went after her to speak [b]tenderly to her in order to bring her back, taking with him his servant and a pair of donkeys. So she brought him into her father’s house, and when the girl’s father saw him, he was glad to meet him."
Judges 19:3 (NASB)
O) I left the footnote ([b]tenderly), because the more literal phrase really got my attention. It is noted, "Lit to her heart." This story starts off as a beautiful picture of reconciliation, and ends as one of the most tragic in the entire Bible. It was a catalyst to the united Israelite nation, but it also leaves myriad questions. I don't necessarily want to break all of those questions down now, though. Instead, I see this beginning as a truly wonderful, if brief, example of what it means to be a husband. We don't see the reason(s) why his wife left; the Bible only says she played the harlot against him (v.2), then returned to her father's house. It also doesn't tell us why her husband delayed 4 months (v.2). In the absence of those two details, though, I see two very important points.
1) When someone hurts us, their reasons don't always matter. In the end, their motives are not going to be what makes us forgive them. Their sin against us will hurt, and our decision to not hold it against them will be determined by only one thing - our view of the cross. We will either choose to forgive them because of the redemptive blood of Jesus Christ, shed on the cross, for the forgiveness of our very own sins, or we will ignore our own salvation in a stubborn determination to judge someone else.
2) No matter how long it takes, we need to let go of our selfish unforgiveness, and seek reconciliation. We cannot let ourselves or our enemies, lie to us, telling us that it is too late to seek peace and reunion. This is never more true, than in the most intimate relationship: marriage. When we finally determine to speak to that person, heart to heart, tenderly, in an effort to come back together, we need to act immediately, sparing no expense.
1) When someone hurts us, their reasons don't always matter. In the end, their motives are not going to be what makes us forgive them. Their sin against us will hurt, and our decision to not hold it against them will be determined by only one thing - our view of the cross. We will either choose to forgive them because of the redemptive blood of Jesus Christ, shed on the cross, for the forgiveness of our very own sins, or we will ignore our own salvation in a stubborn determination to judge someone else.
2) No matter how long it takes, we need to let go of our selfish unforgiveness, and seek reconciliation. We cannot let ourselves or our enemies, lie to us, telling us that it is too late to seek peace and reunion. This is never more true, than in the most intimate relationship: marriage. When we finally determine to speak to that person, heart to heart, tenderly, in an effort to come back together, we need to act immediately, sparing no expense.
A) Occasionally, I get tricked. I get tricked into thinking that I want something dramatic to happen in my marriage so I have an opportunity to make some grand gesture to "win her back," like I see in the movies. But, here's the truth: I've lived that kind of dramatic life, and it. is. terrible. Through a process of prayer, counseling, healing, and more prayer, my marriage was set up to be very un-dramatic. I mean, Kristin and I have had emotional conversations about lots of things, but never, never ever, have either of us ever questioned our devotion to each other. That is exactly an answer to my prayers, from long ago through now, by the grace of God alone. Having said that, it is still crucial that I chase my wife down, to close any gap between us, no matter how small, not matter how much time has passed. It is important that I arise and go after her, to speak to her tenderly, to her heart, in order to bring her back.
P) Father, thank You for the incredible grace You have shown Kristin and me. Our marriage is nothing short of a miraculous testimony to Your grace, the power of prayer, and the sanctity and holiness of marriage. We have not always honored the gift perfectly, but we thank You that the grace we receive, and the mercy we receive, are renewed daily. Let me never become complacent in my marriage. I never want to be satisfied with the proximity I have to Kristin. Let me always seek more intimacy with her, and show me how to close every gap that could ever come between us. Please continue to protect our marriage, and let nothing and no one come between us. In Jesus's name I pray. Amen.
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