S ) "32 Absalom answered Joab, 'Behold, I sent for you, saying, "Come here, that I may send you to the king, to say, 'Why have I come from Geshur? It would be better for me still to be there.'" Now therefore, let me see the king’s face, and if there is iniquity in me, let him put me to death.'"
2 Samuel 14:32 (NASB)
O) In the previous chapter, Absalom had laid a trap that was two years in the making, so he could avenge his sister Tamar. His half brother, Amnon, had raped her. In his revenge plot, he killed Amnon. In the aftermath, he fled to Geshur. Earlier in today's chapter, Joab had manipulated things, to convince David to bring his estranged son back to the city, but David also kept him under house-arrest, refusing to see his son. Absalom tried a few times to get Joab's attention and, when it wasn't working, set his fields on fire. What really comes through the context of the backstory, is the desperation of Absalom. When he said, "let him put me to death." it is a clear comparison that the silent treatment he was receiving from his dad was worse than death. He would rather have died to end it, than have an unresolved conflict between them, resulting in estrangement and silence. Now, whether or not David should have killed Absalom is open for debate (considering what else happened), but what is clear through this much of the story is that silently ignoring someone is like a virtual death. It is pretending the person is dead - or worse than that, since the person knows they are not dead. This is enough to drive a man crazy. Perhaps it could even make him desperate to make his presence, his life, known whatever the cost. So desperate, that he might try to overthrow a kingdom (which is exactly what Absalom did).
A) Whether or not Absalom's coup was fueled by David's silence, is something the Bible never actually tells us. However, it is plenty clear that the silence of his dad was more painful than death. The context of the verse prompts me to talk primarily of my kids, but this applies to my relationship with my wife, of course (and every other relationship). I cannot ever ignore my children like this. Perhaps the most important element that comes from this story, for me to apply, is the restoration of my children when they have sinned but confessed and repented. Today's psychology will teach that people who are desperate for attention will often "act out" in order to get attention. Applying biblical context, I can clearly see how the Bible made this clear well before modern psychology. For my children's own sake (and perhaps my own), I cannot deprive them of relationship - especially when they have made a (big) mistake. Instead, I need to meet them with the gospel. This is the same gospel that saves me. This is the same gospel I need every day. I need to show them that the same gospel that makes us children of God and calls us to holiness, is also the gospel that washes us of our sins and restores us to God. If my children are hearing the gospel from anyone, they should hear it from me first.
P) Father, You are holy and have called me to holiness. I mess that up. So, in Christ You forgave me and then restored me, and made me a son. You called me to holiness again, and empowered me with the Holy Spirit. I messed that up, still. So, You again restored me... this process of the gospel humbles me. It is so clearly dirven by Your love and grace, that I can never doubt who You are. Thank You for the heart of reconciliation that You show me. Help me to have that same heart toward others, my wife and kids first, and certainly in every other relationship I have. Let the power of Your gospel be present in all aspects of my life. In Jesus's name I pray. Amen.
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