S) "18 When Delilah saw that he had told her all that was in his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, 'Come up once more, for he has told me all that is in his heart.' Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands."
Judges 16:18 (NASB)
O) The story of Samson and Delilah has a lot of facets, but I want to focus on this verse because there is an element that is applicable to every relationship, I think. A lot can be said about a man's stupidity, and how his lust will cause him to compromise. A lot can be said about a woman's nagging, and how her greed might cause her to manipulate. But, this story is not about gender. This story is not about propensity toward deceit or lust or sins. The verse above, I think, reveals that the story of Samson and Delilah is truly a story about guarding the heart. This transcends gender. This transcends some common sin or another. The real issue at hand was the emotional intimacy that Samson exposed to Delilah. Now, don't get me wrong, Samson never should have been sleeping with a woman who was not his wife. Delilah should not have been greedy. He should not have been stupid, and she should not have nagged him to death (see v.16). But, what really cost him the most was when he opened up his heart to her. We know that he told her the truth about his strength, but there almost seems to be an implication that he laid his heart bare before her. We don't know what else he may have revealed, but there was a threshold and he clearly broke it.
A) There is a time and place for emotional intimacy. There is also a varying degree of that intimacy. For one thing, the emotional (and physical) intimacy shared between a husband and wife should be complete. Just as nothing holds them apart when they consummate a marriage physically, nothing should hold them apart emotionally, either. In marriage, there should be complete honesty and an open heart. With other relationships, there should be restrictions. With a close loved one, it might be appropriate for us to share a hug, or even a kiss on the cheek. In the same way, a close friend or brother might be privy to some of my sins, or some of the insecurities of my heart. It would be foolish and maybe dangerous for me to tell a stranger, even some of what is in my heart. It could be downright disastrous to tell a stranger everything in my heart. But, there is still this sliding scale. What I fear is missing sometimes, is the understanding of an appropriate ratio. As people, I think we desire for someone to know our heart fully. In a similar way that we want someone to know our body fully and still accept it, we want someone to know our heart fully and still accept it. In my own past, I have over-shared where it was inappropriate, and it cause me a lot of pain. For myself, I must remember that it is only in my marriage that I have the safety to be completely exposed in body and heart. The Christian culture today says a lot about physical intimacy, and the importance of "saving yourself" for marriage. But, I'm afraid it says precious little about saving our hearts for marriage, too. Thankfully, I am married to a wonderful woman. She knows me fully, sometimes better than I do. She doesn't just accept my intimacy, she desires it. In my other relationships, intimacy is still quite valuable. I must carefully consider, prayerfully approach, how I expose my heart to others. I need to remember that I always have the security of my marriage, if I need to share a part of my heart that is burdensome, if there is no other appropriate relationship to do so.
P) Father, the wisdom in Your created purpose is astounding. You perfectly designed marriage to be a safehaven, where I can completely let down my guard. There is so much security and comfort in that knowledge, and in my own marriage I thank You for the grace You have given, and in the security I have come to know. I pray for godly marriages everywhere, that my brothers and sisters in Christ would know the same peace and security in the exclusive intimacy they have as husband and wife with each other. I pray for all of my unmarried brothers and sisters in Christ, that they would correctly understand the inherent dangers of heart exposure. For my own children, I pray that they learn how to appropriately be intimate with others, especially as they learn things like accountability. Help them to feel the safety and security that my wife and I present to them, both physically and emotionally. As I develop relationships with others, escpecially my brothers in Christ, help me to carefully and correctly guage the level of appropriate heart-intimacy I can share with them, so we can build relationships that honor You and further Your kingdom. In Jesus's name I pray. Amen.
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