S ) "10 Listen, O daughter, give attention and incline your ear:
Forget your people and your father’s house;
11 Then the King will desire your beauty.
Because He is your Lord, bow down to Him."
Psalm 45:10-11 (NASB)
O) This psalm is a celebration of the king's wedding. It's full of hopeful words about the victory of the LORD and joy and blessings. Putting ourselves in the time period makes it a little easier for us to read these verses. It would be culturally uncomfortable to attend a wedding today, where the bride bows before the groom. However, just like the rest of this psalm, these two verses are full of symbolism (which isn't to say that this woman did not literally bow before her king and husband. See 1 Peter 3:6, for reference). Asking the bride to forget her people and father's house is a symbol of dying to who she was in her primary identity. This is the same symbolism at work when a bride takes the surname of her husband. It is to declare that, in marriage I am no longer who I was (part of another family), and I am now joined together with my husband in something new. The bride is not biologically new, and does not literally gain familial amnesia. This is the same principle at work in Genesis 2:24. The same is true for the "bow down" phrase. That is a symbol of submitting to her husband's authority. This is not to suffer tyranny. After all, the Bible makes it very clear that leadership is about service. These verses might have been literal at the time, but they are always symbolic. As such, they are still quite applicable to how marriage should still be today.
A) When I was only with my wife for a few years, I remember an incident (although the details are quite forgotten)... the topic of the discussion is lost to my memory, but I remember that we were at odds about something. I remember her asserting something that her dad said, as true, though it was contrary to what I was arguing. For all I know now, she and my father-in-law could have been totally correct. What I do remember very clearly, though, is a tremendous disappointment. In that moment, it felt like my wife was literally choosing her dad over me. This is well over a decade ago, but it still came to mind when I read the verse above. Certainly, with how our marriage has grown, my wife has proven time and time again to be completely faithful to me. If the same exact conflict were duplicated today, I have no doubts that she would respond much differently, even if she still held an opposing view from me. But, as I was remembering that incident (however faintly), I was quickly convicted. When I am reading these verses, I am not the king. That is a capital "K" on that King. Jesus is the King. I am the bride (part of His church, His bride). I want Jesus to desire me, to want my relationship, to value my bridehood. How is that done? I cut ties to who I was before I took His name. Then the King will desire my beauty, as one wholly devoted to Him. And I will bow down to Him, because He is my Lord. I will subject myself to His authority, not because He is a tyrant, but because He has served me.
A) When I was only with my wife for a few years, I remember an incident (although the details are quite forgotten)... the topic of the discussion is lost to my memory, but I remember that we were at odds about something. I remember her asserting something that her dad said, as true, though it was contrary to what I was arguing. For all I know now, she and my father-in-law could have been totally correct. What I do remember very clearly, though, is a tremendous disappointment. In that moment, it felt like my wife was literally choosing her dad over me. This is well over a decade ago, but it still came to mind when I read the verse above. Certainly, with how our marriage has grown, my wife has proven time and time again to be completely faithful to me. If the same exact conflict were duplicated today, I have no doubts that she would respond much differently, even if she still held an opposing view from me. But, as I was remembering that incident (however faintly), I was quickly convicted. When I am reading these verses, I am not the king. That is a capital "K" on that King. Jesus is the King. I am the bride (part of His church, His bride). I want Jesus to desire me, to want my relationship, to value my bridehood. How is that done? I cut ties to who I was before I took His name. Then the King will desire my beauty, as one wholly devoted to Him. And I will bow down to Him, because He is my Lord. I will subject myself to His authority, not because He is a tyrant, but because He has served me.
P) Father, You have arranged a marriage for me. There was a time that I rebelled against that marriage. I didn't know better, but now I do. Still, I confess that I have wasted time trying to identify myself with who I used to be. I have tried to keep some of my own independence. In my marriage to Christ, I took His name, but I have not been wholly devoted. That is my goal, though, Lord. Thank You for the grace You show, in Your complete faithfulness to me, despite my repeated infidelity. I bow myself to the authority of my Lord, Jesus Christ. Willing to forsake who I was, to turn my back on all else when they oppose my relationship to my Lord, I will be Yours God. Have Your way with Your bride, and let us all celebrate in joy, hope, victory, and peace. In Jesus's name I pray. Amen.
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